Bitch Tip #9: Wear Heels

Wear heels as much as possible.  I don't care if you're going to a party, going to work, or going to work out.  I don't care if you're going on a three-hour hike.  Wear heels.  Your ass and legs look way better.  You're welcome.

Bitch Tip #8: Handle Your Liquor

No one likes a dumb/annoying drunk.  And definitely no one likes a lightweight.  So make sure you can drink any man under the table!

Bitch Tip #7: Booooooooooobies

Your boobs should look like they are just waiting to be motorboated.  If this is true of yours, then you're doing well.

Bitch Tip #6: No Stage 5 Clingers

No one likes a clinger.  I don't care how much you "loveeee him," you need to get a fucking life.  If he's not texting you, he's busy.  No, he does not want to tell you where he is all hours of the day... that's creepy.  Just because he tells you about his plans does not mean you're invited.  Get a life and think about other things.

Bitch Tip #5: Don't Give a Shit

People talking about you?  Who cares.  People don't like you?  Sucks for them.  The less fuck you give, the happier you'll be.  Money back guaranteed.

Bitch Tip #4: 10 Minute Text Rule

When he texts you, don't answer right away.  Wait AT LEAST ten minutes, but the longer the better.

Bitch Tip #3: Never Text First

Don't text him first.  Wait for him to text you, because he will, and, when he does, you know he's thinking about you.